The Bucket List Read online

  “Is she conscious?”

  Noeul screamed as the felt Aggie’s forehead. “Barely, she’s not responding to me. Please, I need an ambulance!”

  Anything the dispatcher said to her after that was lost, as Aggie clasped her hand and went completely limp, her eyes closing. Noeul felt for a pulse in her wrist. Finding none, she moved her hands to the carotid artery in Aggie’s neck. Again, she found no pulse. She screamed at the phone something unintelligible and put her face near Aggie’s. “Aggie, please don’t leave me, please.”

  She tried to feel for breath against her cheek and failed to detect any. She moved down Aggie’s body and said a silent prayer for the first aid and CPR classes they attended every year. Placing her hands in the middle of Aggie’s chest, she began to count. She continued by herself to the point of exhaustion, before a side-by-side ATV came barreling up the trail. A police officer jumped out, carrying a small box. He asked Noeul a few questions, while his partner took over CPR. Noeul tried to make sense of what was happening, as the officer cut Aggie’s T-shirt and jog bra open. He attached two pads with wires that ran to the small box. She heard the box say, “analyzing,” while the officers held their hands up. After a few seconds, the unit’s mechanical voice announced, “shock advised.” The officer quickly yelled, “clear” to Noeul, and his partner depressed the button on the unit. Noeul blanched as Aggie’s body jumped from the current.

  Noeul moved to Aggie’s head, placing her face very close to Aggie’s ear. “Tybee Agnus James, don’t you dare leave me. We still have so much to do.” Tears streamed down her face, and the breath froze in her chest. The unit again called out, “analyzing,” and advised a shock was necessary. Noeul moved away from Aggie and closed her eyes briefly, as the shock jolted her wife’s body. “No shock, pulse detected.” Noeul thought those were the sweetest words she’d ever heard and looked up expectantly at the officers.

  “I’m feeling an extremely week pulse. I’ll radio the ambulance.”

  Everything was a blur from the time they arrived at the hospital until hours later when Noeul sat at her bedside. Max and Sam had brought her a change of clothes and something to eat. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to do more than sit holding Aggie’s hand.

  A young man, who looked like he’d only recently graduated high school, stepped into the room. “Ms. Scott, I’m Dr. Riker. I understand you have medical power of attorney for Ms. James?”

  Noeul wiped her eyes with a Kleenex. “Yes, she’s my wife.”

  “Well, gay marriage isn’t legal here in New York, so technically you aren’t her wife. Your status as her medical power of attorney allows me to consult you about Ms. James condition and treatment.”

  Noeul’s focus narrowed on the man standing in the white coat. “Stop right there.” She rose continuing to hold Aggie’s hand in hers. “I don’t give a shit how you feel about gay marriage. She’s my wife and if you have one second of doubt about that, I will request another doctor so fast you’ll be looking at your own ass as I go past you. We married in Massachusetts in 2004, when it first became legal there. In your small mind, it may not be valid in this state; however, I put that band there in 2004 and my vows mean as much to me as any straight marriage. Now, either you can deal with the fact that we are lesbians, or I’ll find her another doctor. Do I make myself clear?”

  Red faced and properly dressed down, the young man apologized. “I meant no disrespect. I apologize. I need to discuss the patient’s condition with you.” He took a deep breath. “She—”

  Noeul’s stare cut him into a million small pieces. “Aggie, her name is Aggie.”

  “Aggie. Okay. Aggie suffered a cardiac arrest, as you know. What you may not know is she apparently has a congenital heart condition. She…Aggie suffered an arrhythmia called ventricular fibrillation or V-fib. She experienced a run of erratic, electrical impulses that basically caused the heart to flutter instead of pumping blood the way the cardiovascular system is intended. There are three electrical nodes in the heart that fire in a particular sequence, causing the chambers of the heart to pump blood through the body. Aggie’s sinus node malfunctioned.”

  Noeul took a deep breath. “So how do we fix it?”

  The doctor looked at the tablet in front of him and touched the screen. He turned it to Noeul. “She needs a pacemaker to make sure the heart fires in sync.”

  “Her parents are on their way from Tybee Island in Georgia. They are flying into Ithaca. When do we need to do this?”

  “As soon as possible.”

  “Can we wait for them to get here? From what they told me, they’ll be here in the next two hours.” Noeul kissed and caressed Aggie’s hand, turning the wedding band that matched her own.

  The doctor sighed with impatience. “We are monitoring her. If she goes back into V-fib, we would have to shock her again. We’d like to avoid that if we can.”

  Noeul fixed him with a hard stare. “Fine, then we wait. In the meantime, I want another surgeon.”

  The doctor tilted his head and looked at her over the top of his designer glasses. He spoke in a clipped tone. “Ms. Scott, I assure you I am more than qualified to perform this surgery. I’ve done hundreds.”

  “Well, this is one you won’t be doing. Thank you for your time, Dr. Riker.” She turned abruptly from him and back to Aggie’s side. “Max, can you call Kendra and see how much longer she’ll be?”

  The doctor visibly paled. “Kendra?”

  “That’s right, Dr. Riker.” She turned back to him, narrowing her own eyes. “Kendra Powers, the head of this hospital, is a personal friend. I’m sure she will be able to give me excellent medical advice on which physician would be best suited to care for my wife. I called her as soon as I got to the hospital and made sure Aggie was stabilized. She’s on her way here from her summer home in Lake George. Good day, sir.”

  His hand holding the clipboard visibly trembled. “Ms. Scott, please. I’m sorry if you’ve felt like I have insulted you. I…”

  Noeul dismissed him with a pointed finger. “Please leave, Dr. Riker, you’ve said enough. Nothing you say now can change the past. You can’t unring a bell. Thank you for your time.”

  Noeul shivered as Kyo’s wet nose touched her arm and roused her from that terrible memory. “Hey girl. Guess you struck out again?” The dog, still smiling and dripping wet, stood at her side as Noeul stroked her head. She always seemed to know when to bring Noeul back from a memory. “Guess we’d better get going.”

  Despite all the best doctor's efforts, Aggie hadn’t come out of the coma, even after the surgery to put in the pacemaker. Sometime during the procedure, she’d suffered a bleed in her brain. She passed away two days later. Noeul had collapsed when Dr. Rita Hamilton, Aggie’s surgeon, told her there was no brain activity. Only the machines were keeping Aggie alive. Tom and Bell James were with Noeul at Aggie’s bedside when they turned off the machines, the grief ripping each of them into tiny pieces. Five years later, Noeul lost both of them to a sailing accident near Tybee Island, the place they’d named Aggie for. She was truly alone.

  Noeul rose, closed her eyes and whispered to the sky, “I love you, Aggie.” She started back down the trail, Kyo at her side. She planned to stay the night with Miranda and Kelly for some restorative conversation after making a run to town. The next morning, she’d saddle Thor and Athena, her two horses she’d left with them for a farrier appointment and make the return trip up the mountain with her supplies. The couple ran a small retreat for those who were on internships at the Green Bank Observatory or were desperate to get away from the trappings of modern life. The area relied on landlines for phone service and was regulated by a long list of restrictions as to what could and could not be used to avoid any interference with the ongoing research. Forty minutes later, Noeul arrived at the wide, front porch of the rustic cabin only to be wrapped in a bone-crushing hug by a tall, muscular woman with a long, salt-and-pepper braid hanging down her back.

  “Miranda, I’ve misse
d you.”

  “Missed you too. About time you came down off that mountain.” Miranda kissed her forehead.

  Her wife, Kelly, was a slight woman with a mop of red curls. She came out the door with a fresh blackberry cobbler and placed it on a rack. Kelly removed her oven mitts to wrap Noeul in gentle embrace and kiss both cheeks.

  “God, it’s good to see you, stranger. Good lord, we’ve got to put some meat on those bones. A good wind will blow you off that mountain. Noeul, you’ve got to eat.” Kelly was a caregiver, always putting something delicious in her hands and urging her to eat.

  Noeul smiled at her friends and enjoyed the interaction with another being. “I eat just fine, Kelly. Remember, I’m Korean and five foot nothing. I can’t put much weight on, or I’ll be as big around as I am tall.”

  Kelly smiled and wrapped her in another hug. “Well, you could do with another five pounds. I’m sending a few things back with you tomorrow, so don’t argue.”

  Noeul shook her head and laughed. “I might as well go argue with that porch post over there, because it would listen about as much. Thank you, Kelly. I know I’ll enjoy whatever you fix. However, now I’ve got to head to town. If you two will entertain Kyo, I’ll go take care of business and get back here for some good food and better company.”

  Miranda knelt and briskly scratched Kyo’s sides. “I’ll take her with me to check the cabins. She’ll be good and tired by the time she runs that five-mile loop. That way, when you go with us for a run later, you might be able to keep up.”

  “Very funny. See you for lunch.” Noeul waved at the couple, as she trotted to her truck. Within minutes, she was making her way down the dirt driveway and toward the closest thing to a big city in the area.

  Chapter Four

  TWO WEEKS HAD PASSED since Jordan and Dava deciphered the clues. Jordan loaded up the Jeep and turned to Max and Sam. “Guess that’s it.” The two looked at her, their expressions sad. I’m going to miss them more than I imagined.

  Sam walked forward first and put his arms around Jordan. “Please be careful. You’re family to us. Please don’t forget to eat.”

  He pulled away as Max stepped toward her and placed his hands on her face. He ran his fingers over her cheeks. “I want to remember you. Don’t stay away too long.”

  Jordan pulled him into a hug and held him tightly. “I won’t, I promise. We still have to finish our chess game.” Jordan’s heart was breaking in two. The fear that he might not remember the chess game or her, wracked her with pain and guilt.

  “I think you should email me with your next move every few days. I’ll send you mine, and we’ll keep a running game between us. Stay safe.” Max kissed her temple.

  Jordan pulled Sam into a group hug and felt Bandit jump up so she could scratch his head. When she pulled out of the hug, she dropped to her knee and buried her hands and face in his thick coat. “Keep Dad safe now, Bandit. I’ll be back before you know it. Please don’t eat the couch.” Bandit licked at the salty tears running unimpeded down her face. She stood and wiped at them furiously, as she climbed into her Jeep and leaned out the window. “I’ll call you when I get near Fort Wayne. That’s my target for tonight. I have no idea whether I’ll make it there or not. I love you both. Make sure you give Bandit a scratch every night from me.” She waved at them and watched them grow smaller in her rearview mirror.

  She’d promised to connect with Dava at the halfway point, somewhere around Cleveland, Ohio. Her sister was far less worried about her venturing than Sam, who’d made an impassioned protest. Max had calmed him down, knowing how important her search was. Jordan looked at the seat beside her and smiled at the snacks and sweets Sam had packed for her journey. Without a doubt, she was going to miss his culinary skills. As long as she had her staples, she would be fine.

  James Taylor’s “Fire and Rain” came pouring out of speakers, and she sang along while the Jeep chewed up mile after mile of hot pavement on I-86. This route would take her over near Erie. The farther she drove, the more the scenery changed. Fields of hay and grain, forests of trees, and the familiar, whitewashed farmhouses dotting the landscape gave way to the industrial gray of concrete lots, glass high rises, and cookie-cutter shopping malls. I could never live in a place like this. I need green.

  The soothing voice of Carol King filled her ears, and she realized her playlist was circling back. This list had about six hours of pure, 1970s gold. Jordan ran her fingers through her hair and rubbed her eyes vigorously, trying to wake herself up. Exhaustion was setting in, and the need to find a place to camp or stay was becoming urgent. Up ahead, a small gas station came into view, giving her the opportunity to fill up and check with the clerk about camping arrangements.

  He gave her the change from a five-dollar bill, for a pack of salted peanuts. “About three more miles down on the left, take Parnell Ave. Nice municipal park with camping.”

  Jordan thanked him and got back in her vehicle. It was nearing five in the evening, and she wanted to cook her noodles and make some hot tea. A few minutes after purchasing her permit to stay the night in the park, she set about getting a fire started and erected her nylon and flex-pole tent with a practiced ease. Her food was stored in bear-proof containers, a lesson she’d learned the hard way on a trip into the Vermont mountains. Yogi tore through her Jeep and snacked on her food stocks while she was out hiking. She could forgive all the destruction, but not the ransacking of her must-have comfort foods. Who knew bears could be so cannibalistic to eat the Teddy Grahams?

  In a small pull off surrounded by pines, Jordan pulled out her cook pot and kettle. The dried noodles were easy to pack, quick to fix, and filling. She would consume the entire pot leaving no leftovers, facilitating an easy cleanup. Add a sleeve of Ritz crackers, and she would be set. She poured boiling water over the Jordanian tea mix her mother had given her and filled her campsite with a pleasant aroma. Her cellphone sat beside her, and to her surprise, she had service. As she blew across the mouth of her mug to cool the tea, she punched in Dava’s number.

  “Hey, Watson.”

  “Sherlock, I didn’t expect to hear from you after our call earlier. Where did you end up?”

  “I’m in Fort Wayne, Indiana, at a little place called Johnny Appleseed Campground. This place has a headstone for Johnny Appleseed with an inscription, ‘He lived for others.’ The stone is dated 1774 to 1845.”

  Dava’s laugh was rich. “God, you’re such a geek.”

  “Hey pot, meet kettle. We just geek on different things.” Jordan pulled up her first forkful of noodles with the phone cradled to her ear. “Ow!” She’d burned her tongue and set down the pot to look for her water bottle.

  “What’d you do?”

  “Ah bwerned ma ung.”

  Dava snickered. “Let me see if I can translate. I’m going to guess it was ouchy ow wow. You burned your tongue, didn’t you? You barely have the patience of a three-year-old.”

  Jordan shook her head. “You’re a riot. Now, did you find anything about the area I’m headed to?”

  “Only that it’s gorgeous and you’ll have to hike in. You can camp there. It appears to have some basic amenities. In reference to exactly where you’re going to find your next clue, I’m not sure.”

  Jordan admired the setting sun’s lines of color in broad swaths of pinks and yellows feathered through the sky. The blazing campfire was chasing the shadows to the base of the trees, orange tongues of flame licking the air. I guess that’s where the saying like a moth to a flame comes from. Mesmerizing. “I’ll send pictures, though I’m sure it won’t be until the adventure is over. I’m guessing the only service I’ll have in some of those parts, will be the satellite phone.” She heard a sigh followed by a sharp chomping sound. Dava was chewing on her fingernails.

  Dava’s voice sounded small and timid. “You’ll call me before you drop off the radar, right?”

  “I will, please don’t worry about me so much and stop chewing on your fingernails.”

  �
�I wasn’t.”

  “Liar.”

  “Okay, okay. I can’t help it. I hate when you go off grid. I’m going to slap a GPS tracker in your ass the next time I hug you.” Dava quipped.

  Jordan laughed and took a sip of her tea. “I’ll keep in touch as much as I can.”

  “Be safe and call me tomorrow.”

  “I will. Love you, kiddo.”

  Jordan sat watching the last embers of the fire die down. The sky was a million tiny dots of lights against an ebony background. “Beautiful. ‘If the stars should appear one night in a thousand years, how would men believe and adore.’” The writings of Ralph Waldo Emerson and John Muir were some of her favorites. She’d always been a voracious reader. Childhood summer days meant lying in the backyard hammock with Dava, silently disappearing into the world of an author’s mind. They’d spend hours indulging their imagination. Reading was one activity where both girls were on completely equal footing and needed no assistance.

  Jordan’s other love had been growing things. Their backyard had a vegetable and flower garden where Jordan began to sow seeds on her first birthday, according to her parents. Her mother told about giving Jordan several packets of wildflowers and watching as her small hands released the seeds on their lawn. As a child, Jordan had frequently presented her mother with a handful of freshly cut flowers from their garden. Now, she made sure, on every holiday and anniversary, that her mother received a bouquet of in-season, fresh-cut flowers.

  Jordan grew weary and crawled into her sleeping bag. She lay there for a long time, listening to a lone whippoorwill calling out its sharp, repetitive song into the night. Her thoughts quieted as she closed her eyes and fell asleep, confident in her mission.

  ***

  Noeul stood with a pail in her hand and patted the goat she’d finished milking. “Thank you, Pip. This will make some excellent cheese.” She walked through the barn and stopped to run her hand over one of the lambs, feeling its soft, black wool. With her free hand, she grabbed the basket that contained the eggs, radishes, and carrots she’d gathered and carried everything into the kitchen. After pouring the milk into glass jars, she placed them and the eggs in the refrigerator. The vegetables went in the sink.